As much as we would like to avoid unpleasantness in our lives, sometimes it is inescapable. Instead, we must learn how to grieve in healthy ways and work through our difficulties. If you are wondering what you can do to help a friend who is in intense mourning, here are some suggestions:
Recognize that everyone grieves at their own pace:
Some progress rather quickly, some move very slowly. We never move at the speed that others think we should. Help us take one day at a time.
Keep us company and be there for us:
You don’t need to say anything profound or do anything earthshaking. Often, your greatest help is your quiet presence and simplest deeds.
Make suggestions and initiate contact and activities:
It is important for you to respect our privacy and give us some time alone, but we also may not have the energy to structure our lives right after a traumatic loss. We may have to rely on others to think of things that we don’t know to ask for. Provide a safe environment for us to show strong emotions:
It may be very painful, but it can be of enormous help.
Help us remember good things:
Tell us your memories of our loved one as you listen to us tell you ours. If we begin to show our emotions outwardly, you have not upset us, you have simply enabled us to be a bit more open in your presence.
Be there after the first wave is over:
Make the effort to call, to come by, to help us out six months and even a year down the road. Crowds may be difficult for us. Shopping and holidays will be overwhelming. Offer your help.
If we’re not up to a visit we’ll let you know, but let us know you remember and are there for us.
Listen to us:
We need to tell our story over and over in order to process our grief. We may even say outrageous things. Don’t judge us by what we say or how we feel. We have a lot to work through, and in time we will come to the answers that are right for us.
Be careful of cliches, religious platitudes, or easy answers:
You may not be able to help us with certain issues right now, so don’t be too quick to share your opinions if we say something you don’t agree with. We need time to work things out on our own.
Be sensitive to our needs:
Be patient, have confidence and believe in us. We will get better, we will experience healing; but it will take some time, and it can be rough going for much of the way.
Be on the lookout for destructive behaviors:
Traumatic loss can lead some people into depression, alcohol or drug abuse. We may need you to keep an eye on us while things are especially tough.
Be willing to do difficult things with us:
We may need someone to sit with us in court; we may need a safe place to rage; we may need help with the funeral or afterwards. There may be some hard times ahead and facing them alone can be terrifying.
Help us find ways to bring good things out of the bad:
It is important that our loved one be remembered and memorialized.
Read some of the books that are available. The more you know, the better able you will be to help us.
Often, a poem or song will speak to us in ways that no one else can. Also, talking to someone who has survived a similar loss can help us to realize that we are not alone in our grief.
We have to go through this valley in order to get to the other side:
Dealing with grief cannot be avoided or postponed. Grief can make relationships difficult and you may get frustrated with us or feel uneasy around us. But please remember that now, more than ever, we need the caring and patient support of our friends and family. Help us get through this as well as we are able. Your true friendship and companionship, your kindness and patience can help us get our lives back together.
We will experience some level of grief over our loved one’s loss for the rest of our lives. Some days will simply be better than others. One day, we hope to reach a point where our good days outnumber the bad. That will be a major milestone for us.
Thank you for being here for us.
Recognizing Grief and Death
Grief is really a genuine response to loss. It really is a process that takes place over time and involves many feelings, thoughts, behaviors, and physical sensations. Whilst grief typically relates to the death of your loved a single, people with cancer and their families also grieve other possible cancer-related losses, such as the the loss of an breast, the loss of fertility, or the loss of independence.
The terms grief, mourning, and bereavement are typically utilized interchangeably; however, they mean different things. Grief is a person’s response to and experience of loss. Mourning is the outward expression of the grief, in addition to national and spiritual customs and rituals surrounding death. Mourning is also defined as the method of adjusting to reduction and adjusting to the death of the significant individual. Bereavement refers to the state of having suffered a the loss as well as the experiences that follow the passing away of the loved one.
Emotions:
If a particular person has experienced the death of a close family member or close friend, he or she may well experience many sensations. It’s typical for people to feel a sense of shock, numbness, sadness, despair, anxiousness, frustration, shame, loneliness, vulnerability, alleviation, and yearning.
Faith and spirituality:
Grief may perhaps also have religious and spiritual effects on a person’s life, as loss can lead to one particular to question his or her faith or view in the world. Grief could also strengthen religion as one might come to a brand new understanding of the meaning of living.
Thoughts:
Frequent thoughts include disbelief, confusion, disorientation, difficulty concentrating, preoccupation, and hallucinations (briefly thinking that you see or hear the deceased man or woman).
Physical sensations:
It can be also typical for grief to cause physical feelings, such as tightness or heaviness within the chest or throat, feeling sick or an upset stomach, lightheadedness, headaches, physical numbness, muscle weakness or stress, exhaustion, and vulnerability to illness. A grieving individual may possibly start crying after hearing a tune or comment that made them think of the person who has died. At times, though, somebody that is grieving might suddenly start crying for no reason.
Popular grief reactions:
Reactions to the loss, known as grief reactions, vary widely from individual to person and differ in the same person more than time. Not every single person has a similar set of responses, but you will discover some widespread ones. Grief responses contain challenging emotions, thoughts, physical sensations, and behaviors.
Behaviors:
When a person is grieving, it could possibly be tough to fall or stay asleep, and he or she may possibly lose energy for enjoyable activities or lose desire for eating or interacting socially. A grieving individual may possibly also turn out to be much more cranky or aggressive. Other frequent behaviors and sensations include restlessness, hyperactivity, and listlessness (lack of interest, power, or spirit).
Stages of grief:
Grief is frequently felt in waves or cycles, with periods of intense or painful feelings that come and go. People who are grieving may possibly feel they are making progress, but then abruptly face renewed grief that is too much to handle. These types of renewed periods of grief may perhaps occur at significant times, such as holidays or birthdays, or they might occur without having reason. Over time, these periods of intense grieving generally become less frequent and much less intense as the individual adjusts to his or her loss.
Instantly immediately after a loss, a person may possibly encounter shock, sensations of numbness, and disbelief or denial that the loss has occurred. The grieving person may possibly experience shut off from the world around them while going by means of mourning motions, such as wakes or funerals. These original grief reactions may possibly last up to six weeks or additional and may aid to distance the individual who’s grieving from the discomfort of loss and protect him or her from feeling overwhelmed.
Another typical reaction that comes soon after the initial emotions of numbness and disbelief diminish is known as confrontation. This reaction might be extremely painful because the grieving person comes to accept the reality of the loss. This reaction can last several weeks or longer and is characterized by waves of distress, despair, and emotional upheaval with conflicting and complicated feelings. The person who’s grieving may feel upset with the person who has died or really feel guilty for still being alive. The grieving individual might cry usually, feel disorganized, have difficulty sleeping or getting up in the morning, and have trouble concentrating.
During the acceptance phase of grieving, the grieving individual adapts to a fresh everyday living without having his or her loved one. Acceptance over the loss of a close person often occurs slowly over the course of a year or more. Everyday living does not return to normal, but the grieving individual may be able to produce somewhat of a brand new life with new goals and identity, frequently including different roles. For instance, a remaining spouse or partner may possibly begin taking care of the car for the first time or learn how to make meals.
Grief reactions usually do not occur in order and a person may react with the same set of feelings more than once. Responses overlap and people may possibly find they go to and fro with their sensations. Nevertheless, knowing the fundamental grief course of action can assist individuals know what to expect and help reassure them that their experiences are normal and that the intense pain of grief may possibly not last forever.
Healing the thoughts of Grief – You will find that there are only so many things you can do to help relieve the pain of grief.
* Memorial gifts are wonderful things to give to someone that is grieving, but it occasionally is an appropriate gift for a little later in the grieving process.
* Treating the emotions of the grief isn’t an easy thing to do and sometimes the only and best thing you can do is actually provide yourself time.
Factors affecting grief
Throughout the stages of grief, the character and strength of grief responses and the period of time a individual grieves are affected by various aspects.
* Nature of the relationship with the deceased—the intensity of grieving the death of the spouse or mother or father can be different than the power of grieving the death of a neighbors or colliege
* Cause of death—whether the person past away abruptly or was unwell for an lengthy time
* Age and sex of the individual that is grieving—men and women often have several reactions to loss
* Everyday living history of the person that is grieving, including previous experiences with loss
* Character and coping style of the individual who is grieving
* Somethings that can bring about increased grief are memorial plaques that might be given as a present too early in the grieving process.
* Support accessible from relatives and buddies, in addition to the family customs and beliefs surrounding loss of life
* Religious and spiritual values of the individual who is grieving
Tasks of feelings of loss
Yet another way researchers have described the grief procedure is as a series of tasks that the grieving individual may well work through to resolve the grief. One particular model describes four tasks of mourning:
Task one: To accept the reality of the loss
Job two: To experience the discomfort of saddness
Process three: To adjust to an atmosphere where the dearly departed person is absent
Activity four: To take away emotional power and reinvest in other activities
